Alone

I feel so alone. I have so much going through my head and I don't feel like there is anyone to talk with. The four people closest to me are my parents, K and L. L is across the country and as much as I know she'd like to can't reach out and hug me. I can't talk with my parents, they have enough on their plate and are already leaning on me. K is always there for me, but sometimes when things get really bad I can't talk to him. I know he'll listen and be there and support me, but it's harder to talk to him because I break down and sob when he holds me. I can let everything go when he's there. And sometimes it's harder. I'm reminded of Julien's burial and how we couldn't look at each other with out sobbing. We held hands and knew we were there for each other, but somehow looking into each others eyes meant falling apart and down together.