I feel like I'm in a movie...

We had the appointment with the oncologist today. My Mom, Dad, A and I all went. A was a sport! She ate her snacks and colored in her book. She was as she said she would be "Quiet as a mouse."

We did the standard blood draw and health checks. Even though I missed the last appointment and it was my first time meeting Dr. T. I could tell when he came in the room that a black cloud had followed him in. He shook our hands and said hello to everyone before sitting down. He said he had the results of my Dad's tests. The CAT scan showed abnormalities in his spine. The radiologist had called Dr. T. right away. The room spun and kind of warped at the edges. I had to fight to regain control. I knew I was going to be the one taking in the most of the information. How could they be doing better than I was? He went on to say the bone scan confirmed the CAT scan results and the cancer has spread to his back.

He's going to start hormone therapy today...I just can't write more now.

Sing it loud and sing it proud! 75 pounds lost!!

Here's to the good posts! The kind that make us feel warm and fuzzy and happy!! I'm going to post pictures to note my weight loss so far. I walk a lot and just eat s-l-o-w-l-y. That's it. I don't not eat something I want to eat, because it will make me want it even more. So I'm patting myself on the back. Here's to 75 pounds lost in the last year!
Here's an unflattering picture from my biggest.

And here is at my sister's wedding. I've lost 10 more pounds since then so I'm a wee bit smaller. I bought size 18 jeans and they are starting to slip down a bit lately. :D



Woohoo!!! I can't wait to be able to say I've lost 100 pounds! :D

She left him...again

G left her husband last night. I guess he's been cheating on her. She's known about it for two weeks and they were doing marriage counseling. Yesterday she found out he's still been in contact with the girl. So everyone trooped up to her house. Well, not everyone. His parents and my Dad. They've only been married 4 months. Gee, I really didn't see this coming. *insert sarcasm* She left the baby too. She moved in to my parent's house and left the baby with him. There is no way I could leave my baby. Even if it meant making him sleep on the couch or me so I could still see her morning and night. I'm so glad I'm not in the middle of that mess! She hasn't told me anything yet. My Mom and Dad told me about it. Last time she decided to get back together with him I told her that rescuing her 5 times from the same guy in two years is too much for me. I told her that I still care for her, but for my own self preservation I couldn't be a yo-yo and continuously watch her return for more.

Alone

I feel so alone. I have so much going through my head and I don't feel like there is anyone to talk with. The four people closest to me are my parents, K and L. L is across the country and as much as I know she'd like to can't reach out and hug me. I can't talk with my parents, they have enough on their plate and are already leaning on me. K is always there for me, but sometimes when things get really bad I can't talk to him. I know he'll listen and be there and support me, but it's harder to talk to him because I break down and sob when he holds me. I can let everything go when he's there. And sometimes it's harder. I'm reminded of Julien's burial and how we couldn't look at each other with out sobbing. We held hands and knew we were there for each other, but somehow looking into each others eyes meant falling apart and down together.

Medical Oncologist

My Dad had the appt with the MO today. It's not too good. He feels my Dad is symptomatic already. Which is what we have feared and the PCP was unsure about. He will be undergoing several tests over the next couple of weeks to see where the cancer is and if we can see it yet. Bone scan, MRI and something else that I can't remember right now. The MO wants him to do 18 months of chemotherapy coupled with 18 months of hormone therapy. :( He's so miserable already. I can't imagine what he's going to go through for the next year and a half. Hot flashes, hair loss, nausea, vomiting, breast tissue growth, osteoporosis...etc. I just am at a loss. This is the bad thing we didn't want to think about. This is the way we prefered not to think about it. The way you decide... "Well, I'm not going to think about it until I know if it is going to happen. There's no sense getting myself worked up about it if I don't know yet if it's going to happen."

I'm so sad for my Mom and my Dad. I'm sad for me and my girls. I'm just sad and hating the world again. Back to crying and screaming why?! in the shower again...

What a beautiful day!!! It's 73 sunny and a little windy. WOW! I love fall.

It's so cold!

I'm sitting in bed working as usual during nap time and A decided to nap on the couch today. I'm so cold with out her warm sleeping body pressed up against me while I work! At night I have K in here and during the day it's A. Brrrr. I guess I'm going to have to get a blanket. :)